Jokes with realistic endings.
How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?
You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.
A guy walks into a doctors office.
The doctor tells him, "You need an operation".
The guy says, "I want a second opinion."
The
doctor says*, "Okay, my colleague, Dr. Saknussem, would be happy to
provide you with the appropriate consultation. Here's his address, and
I'll have my receptionist call him and schedule an appointment. Please
try to see him soon, though. At the moment, I'm concerned about the
size and location of this tumor, and I think we should move quickly if
we're going to get our best results."
A wealthy businessman is flying to New York for two weeks, and he
wants to keep his wife satisfied lest she sleep around. He drives his
BMW to the adult store and asks the shop assistant for advice on the
most pleasurable sex toys in the store. After being shown all of the
options, every dildo and every vibrator, he is still unsatisfied. His
eye then catches on a hand carved ivory box which is behind the
counter. 'What about that one' he asks. The assistant tells him,
'I'm very sorry sir, but that isn't for sale, it's a very special voodoo dildo.'
'Well what's so special about it?'
'It
is a genuine African hand carved dildo. It was given to the owner of
the store as a gift. It's really just for show, and it could possibly
splinter anyway.'
'Oh ok.'
The man leaves with nothing
and heads off to New York. His wife has hot hot threesomes every night
because she married for the money. They were girl-girl-guy.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
Because she was blind and deaf.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?
No.
Well, it's really nice
A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle.
The kid yells "God damm!" as he begins to fix it. A priest walking
nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vein and says "Don't say
'God damm' say 'God help us'".
The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me".
What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
An embarrassing situation
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
She was a schizophrenic
How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella around?
In case it should rain
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I imagine
it would take a great many. Mice would find it difficult to reach a
ceiling light fitting, and would individually lack the strength or
dexterity required to turn a bulb in such a socket. Even if you had
enough mice to lend their strength to such an endeavor, the chances of
them having the intelligence and wherewithall to perform suich a
complex activity is really quite low.
A man walks into a bar
He drinks 6
Newcastles, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress
unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tried again and fails,
drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home
late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life.
A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's
office wearing a suit. The doctor says "Why are you wearing a suit?"
The black man says "I just got back from a funeral"
How do you drown a blonde?
Hold her head underwater until she can no longer breathe and stops struggling.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.
heh that was interesting. Later -Daniel
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hah